The Night

The night is cold, even the sky is weeping out of misery. I slip my toes out of my blanket again so cold, everything I touch sends chills to my body and I become numb. The ceiling seems like a blank canvas, I wonder if it’s staring back at me too. Will I be able to make a portrait of myself, from my memories so faded? Or will it seem like the feelings and faces of whom I have no more traces?  

The cosmos seem to have left my side a long time ago, leaving me in this pit of self-pity from which I have no way to return from. I have lost track of the time, yet remember the ticks of the clock though I have been screaming in silence yet seem to be crying out loud. I wonder if someone would be able to hear me wail for help, whilst I can’t even manage to speak up. The footsteps are loud, sounds like an approaching crowd but, no one ever knocks on my door as if I ain't someone to go for. While I feel lonely all the way again I do question myself sometimes, “Do I really need someone to survive?” 

Maybe I have been alone for too long, to have known what's wrong when I talk to someone about the times and places I have gone looking for pieces I long for. I seek for the pieces like a puzzle I have got to solve, but every time I find one, I lose a different part of me. It's tiring, and the cycle doesn't seem to have an end as if I was born for it and this will continue till my death.

The voices inside my head, they are confused themselves, what seems like the end might be a beginning of something else.  I don't have much left to lose, I'm already bereaved without my muse. There's no gain from this never-ending loop of agony, despair and distress. I see a side of mine when I stand in front of the mirror, a sense of hope arises only to disappear later. How could something untouched, so pure and burning with desire be trapped inside a cage of filthy human admire? 

It’s 1 in the morning as my mind wanders into this abyss of thoughts while I hear roars outside, the wind accompanies the sky. Am I the only one left aside? Makes me ponder what if I had somebody by my side; might not be a person but something to keep me warm as if a shelter from this raging storm.

The moon is bright tonight, from the window the beams lit up my room. Should I take this as a sign of hope? Perhaps the universe is still on my side. Only if there was somebody who could light up my life too, but why am I looking for this someone; can't I be the one for myself?